


I fucking earned that milkshake

by LadyGrey1996



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, liveshow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 16:21:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13930770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyGrey1996/pseuds/LadyGrey1996
Summary: Dan does a liveshow after his hell week in March 2018





	I fucking earned that milkshake

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I, by no means, claim to know what Dan's sexuality is (and he does not call himself gay in this story for this exact reason). I neither know what happened during this week nor how much it has affected Dan. I don't know if some things he said in his last live show have any relation to what I am describing in this story.
> 
> I keep my personal opinion on the matter to myself and I do not project it in this story.
> 
> I do not want any drama to start with this fic as an excuse, so feel free to enjoy it and drop a comment if you like but please do not say anything offensive towards Dan or other members of the Phandom.
> 
> That being said, I hope you enjoy this very quick fic <3

“You think you’re ready?" Phil asks, eyeing Dan worryingly. Dan shrugs and then nods.

“Yeah, I think so…I guess…” He sighs. “I don’t know. But I’m doing it.”

“Okay,” Phil nods and stands up to take the plates to the sink, kissing Dan’s temple on the way there. “I’ll order us milkshakes for when you’re done with it. Should be about an hour right?”

“Mhm…” Dan hums absentmindedly while firing up a tweet to announce the live show. “Like all of them”

“If anything goes extremely wrong we can disappear together. I found this weird island that tourists almost never go to and –“

“Kinda hoping that won’t be necessary. Dan interrupts him with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah, but at least let me tell you about it it’s really interesting –“

“You’ll tell me when there’s no risk of us actually moving there.”

“So in a couple of years?” Phil teases and Dan looks at him with mock offence.

“Thanks for the support, _babe._ ”

Phil laughs and wraps his arms around Dan’s waste.

“I think you will do well.” He says and Dan gets serious. “Better thank you’re thinking right now for sure.” Dan nods, trying to convince himself and Phil smiles, giving him a small peck on the lips.

 

[---]

 

An hour passes almost with no incident. He avoids most comments about his sexuality, about his previous live-show, about phan, and about this past week. He knows he looks strange and his smiles look forced but he does his best to face the worlds because he would never forgive himself if he used his depression as a way to escape the pain. He glances at his computer screen and sighs with fifteen minutes to go. He can do it.

 

Then his eye catches a message from PhantasticPeter2002. _Dan, I’m gay what do I do._ He can feel the blood draining from his face and moist gathers in his eyes. _Fuck._ He takes a deep breath. He can ignore it. No one knows he’s read it. He can just talk about Muse for the next fifteen minutes and send a quick mental good luck to Peter before going to bed and no one will ever have to know.

His mind betrays him and does the maths on its own. Sixteen years old. His nightmare age. His bullying years. In retrospect, how would he have wished to have someone to turn to for help when he was Peter’s age. Someone to tell him that it will be alright. That in a few years those assholes will be nowhere around him and that he will be starting a new life where he can be as gay as he pleases. Well, that’s not exactly true for him but it can be for Peter. And any Peter.

_Fuck it._

 

He takes a deep breath and reads the message out loud.

“’Dan, I’m gay what do I do?’ I don’t know.” He says and takes a deep breath. "Honestly… I don’t know. You could have asked me a few months ago and I would have told you to go for it. To fuck everyone and everything and live your truth. Tell them that’s me and you can fuck off.

 

“But… I should tell you, that when you do it, people will start calling you names… and it might not be in a bad way, it might be in the most absolutely loving context… but they will use words…and if those words have been spoken to you, have been yelled at you, while you were being shoved against a locker room wall, or being hit by a football, or books, or being beaten up, then those words no matter how lovingly are spoken now, they can bring flashbacks.” He poses and takes a breath. He closes his eyes and keeps them shut for a second. He had completely forgotten he was live. Too late now…

 

“And you can’t take it back… Cause when you don’t people won’t like it. And that…that’s not pretty…” He sighs and takes a moment to gather himself.

 

“But…” he says and smiles “you might not have been through all that, and you might have no problem telling people. But… I thought I should give you a fair warning.” _One that I wish somebody had given me_ he thinks.

 

He takes a breath and ignores the chat. He glances at the time and realises it’s over twenty-five minutes instead of fifteen and right then he hears footsteps coming towards him.

 

“Dan?” Phil’s voice comes from behind.

“Yeah? He asks and turns around.

“Milkshakes are h- You okay?” he asks when he sees Dan’s face, ready to break into tears.

“’M fine.” He says and turns back to the screen.

“Okay… Milkshakes are here. Come before I drink yours!” he yells from the stairs and Dan laughs.

 

He looks at the screen and takes a breath.

 

“He’s not lying,” he says and scoffs. “So I better go before he drinks mine.” He is about to say goodbye and turn the camera off. Then he thinks again and looks up bursting into a real smile.

 

“Cause you know what…? I fucking earned that milkshake.”


End file.
